Niagara Falls

The photos on this page were all taken with a Kodak disposable camera. The intent of this page is not to present fine art photography. It is to inform and educate you about an important geological landmark. You can puke later.

The Niagara Falls are pretty incredible. Nearly everyone knows what they are, but not everyone has been there. (This could be because they're so close to Cleveland.) The falls lie between two of the Great Lakes, Erie and Ontario, both of which (like the other 3 Great Lakes) were created by glaciers from the last ice age. This is the prevailing theory, of course. Locals, on the other hand, believe that the
melted ice was really the unused supply from the concession stands at the Cleveland Stadium where the Indians and Browns failed to attract fans. Of course, Buffalo is really right next to Niagara Falls, but I'm from Ohio, and it's required to make fun of Cleveland whenever possible.


The water from Lake Erie falls into Lake Ontario, which then goes downstream (North) into the Atlantic Ocean. "The Falls" is the border between the United States and Canada, which is patrolled by heavily armed police guards who will require several forms of identification before you can cross over. If you don't have any ID, just tell them you'll "be right back." Those border guards on the Mexican border could learn a thing or two from these guys here!

South of the Border

On the United States side of the falls, you can get right next to water as it goes over the edge. This seems to also attract those that want to go with it, but unfortunately, none of them are members of Congress. As ironic as it may sound, the US side of the falls have various parks and educational facilities, but not a lot of tourism (except for a Hard Rock Cafe, which is uncharactistically small).
So, to do anything, or even to see the "better" part of the falls, you have to go to the Canadian side. Might as well let them win at something eh? (I'm just KIDDING! Don't send me letters!)


So, as we go North, we are immediately overwhelmed by the magnificence of one of the seven wonders of the world. No, I'm not talking about the world's largest display of commercialization surrounding a geological landmark, I'm talking about The Niagara Falls. As you gaze upon its glory, and see volumes of water rush by with such strength and conviction, you build a sense of wonder, amazement, and an appetite for junk food. Fortunately, Canadians know exactly how to accommodate Americans' desire for this.
The food, rich with sugar-coated, sugar-frosted, little lumps of sugar, packed into huge sugar cones, made out of mostly brown sugar, is enough to satisfy anyone's healthy diet. For cultural activities, the Canadians continue to appeal the Americans' senses of priorities: there are museums (Ripley's Believe It or Not! wax museum), theaters ("The Mounty's Wild Ride, in 3D") and shopping (t-shirts, video games, etc.). And for the kids, there are plenty of fun activities, like the famous Miniature Jurassic Park Putt-Putt Golf Course with real life-like dinosaurs, and food. ...just like they had at the beginning of time, when the falls were created!

Real Scenic Views

If you can tear yourself away from the high-quality food and entertainment, take another great look at the falls. And once you do, the true irony of the environment becomes clear: the Falls are free to see and do. One of the better things to do is take a boat ride into the falls from below. This is the one tourist attraction actually worth doing, but the
simple point-and-shoot cameras like the one I brought wasn't sufficient, so you buy postcards (shown on left).

Other Things to See

The Canadians have an excellent series of parks next to the falls. There, you can find great places to sit and relax while watching the falls, or other people arguing with their kids about whether to play another round of putt-putt. The scenery, however, is still phenomenal, even if you don't see the falls.
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